I Suffer Because You're My Answer

I'm so confused.



This boy.



I don't even know what to say about him.



There are no words to describe him.



I could tell you that he's beautiful, he's hilarious, he's brilliant, he's caring, he's brave, he's strong, he's perfect...

But you wouldn't understand.



He's been there for me through everything. He knows more about me than I do. He's the only person on earth that knows everything about me. When he touched me, everything's okay. When he kisses me, I don't need anything else. When I see him, I can't see anyone else.



I saw him for the first time in a week last night. I was speechless. I hate that I'm so vulnerable. I hate that seeing him makes this all turn around on me. I hate it.

But I can't help it.

As much as I hate to admit it, I love him.
Not 16 year old "I want him to be my boooyyyyyfriend; he's soo cute" love.
I love him.
I love his flaws.
I love his imperfections.
I love his mistakes.
I love his stupidity.

He's the one I love.
He's the one I want.
He's the only one I can see myself with.



I can't help it.


So what happens now?



There are so many people who don't want me to leave. I understand that. I know I've affected just as many people as have affected me. I know people are scared for me, people are worried for me... but I hope that whatever choice I make, they support me.



I'm not making my decision for anyone else but me.

Not for my friends, not for my mom, not for Kevin.

I'm going to do what I want to do.
Because that's who I was, am, and always will be.







The people that I love will understand that.





The people that love me will accept it.