When You Could Have Lost It All...

You have no idea how glad I am that you're okay.
That we're okay.
In an instant, so much changed...
Suddenly, you weren't just my boyfriend.
You were the only thing to hold on to.

As I said, no good deed goes unpunished,
But it could have been so much worse.

And damn it, I'm so proud of the way you handled it.
You didn't fly off the handle.
You didn't swear or hit anything.
You didn't lose control.
You didn't panic.

You looked me in the eye and said, "I don't know what to do."

And you looked so human.
You faltered, stopped, and asked me how to handle it.
Your ego broke, if for only a moment,
And I saw that sometimes, you're not perfect.
And I love you for it.

One of the most important,
But often least noticed quality in someone
Is the way they handle a dramatic, stressful situation.
This is one of those limitless stress factors.
A situation where you had no control.
And you faced it the way you should have.

There's a lot of damage.
There are things to be taken care of,
People to call,
Arrangements to be made...
But there came good from this.

Upon impact, the only thing in my head was you.
The only thing I thought about was your safety.
And that if anything happened, I would be lost.
Dramatic? I'm sure.
Honest? Of course.

That split-second of doubt about your safety
Showed me how much you really mean to me.

And I do love you.

I always will.

"Have you ever been to Adveshurlen?"

You stumble.
You talk soo loud.
You slur your words.
Your pride gets in the way.
You're not afraid of hurting me when we wrestle.
Your ego is bigger than I am.
You won't reject a challenge, regardless of the consequences.
You are tactless.
You're never wrong.
You don't lose.
And you're unbelievably stubborn.

So, basically...
You're perfect for me.

I just wanted to say...

... that I love you.






That's it.

What Do You Do When It All Falls Apart?

You play dirty.

I don't think you understand this, though.
I'm not one to play into your games.
In a crisis-situation, I don't change.
I just get edgy and clever.

So you tell me you have dirt,
I tell you you're full of shit.
You say you've got his number.
I give you his last name.
You demand to have me back,
I tell you I'm not going anywhere.
You tell me you still love me.
I say that doesn't make sense.

So don't think for a second that your empty threats
And fabricated stories
Are going to fool or manipulate me.
I'm slowly dying and I'm stronger than that.
He's stronger than that.

And together, you have no idea what we could do to you.

This is not a game,
and if it was, it's not your turn anyway.
This is not a joke,
and if it is, you're the only one here laughing.
This is not up to you,
and if it was, you'd never have me back regardless.
This is love.
And I don't think you understand that.

This is real.
This is strong.
This is love.

In the words of my brother:

"Shit, that ain't nothin. The other day, I was in my room. I was smokin' cigarettes, I was smoking my mom's cigarettes and this bird flew in the window. So I started smokin' the bird and the bird was like "Hey! Why you smokin me?" And I was like... "idk."